Wednesday, April 22, 2015

council of heritage Motor clubs annual Rally 2015 – part 3


Saturday Night – Ex Services Club


I wasn’t kidding!

I warned you the next post was about Elvis.



He was a good Elvis too – very entertaining!

But in the interval it was time for the next instalment of the performance.

Fortunately, I had no role in this one so I could sit back and watch.


I think I’ve forgotten to mention the accent that Graham is using for his character. A cross between Cornish and Pirate. He tells me its west country.



Governor Fergus Darling and the Adjutant Freddy Ward are on the stage.

The players have been mingling with the guests.

Sergeant Pies (Graham) Calls out from the audience:- 

Pies:- .. Sir! …Sir! .. I have caught a woman here with her hand in this man’s pocket!

Darling:- Well spotted Pies, there is too much of these things going on. Is she a pickpocket?

(Pies looks at her badge)

Pies:- No Sir she is a Norma.

Darling:- Were you in time to stop her getting his jewels?

Pies:-  Well, he is smiling Sir!

Darling:- Pies, you are a wicked man – Proceed Pies


(above – Mrs Darling, the Preacher, Sgt Pies and Norma – what about the expression on the face of the bloke in the white shirt)!

Private Parts Calls out…

Parts :- Sir! Sir!… over here Sir!

Darling:-  What's he on about Freddy – You sort it out!

Freddy: - Okay Missing PartsDarr-ling wants to know what your shouting about

Parts:- Sir, I’ve caught a bounder here with missing rations.

Freddy:- Extra rations… very serious,, well done Spare Parts

Parts:- … Sir, very serious Sir!!!… I firmly believe that the only way to stamp out this sort of thing is to make an example of him – SIR!

Corporal Punishment interrupts – Can I flog Him!..?

Freddy:-  Back in your box! Now Redundant Parts this bounder is your collar – what do you suggest?

Parts:- Is Redundant a promotion Sir?

Freddy:- NO, Get on with it!


(Above:- Private parts catches a bounder)

Parts:- As the bounder has now swallowed the extra rations, the charge will be hard to prove, however, he cannot be allowed to get away with it. He should be severely CASTIGATED.

Darling interrupts :- Parts wants him castigated, Bloody hell Freddy that's tough, anyway I’m sure we will need a doctor to do that to him.


(Above:- Corporal Punishment, Pvt Parts, the bounder and the Preacher)

Freddy moves and whispers to Darling

Darling:-   Oh! Castigated – I nearly balls that one up – Thanks Freddy.

Freddy:- Just deal with him generic Parts, castigation can wait. And no before you ask generic is NOT a promotion.

Mrs Stone calls out….:- Sir!…Sir!…  – over here Sir!

Darling:-   Mrs Stone, Sweet lady what is it

Mrs Stone :- Thank you Darr-ling. I have just found a woman over here who is wearing men’s trousers.

Darling:-  Men’s trousers you say!

Mrs Stone :- Give me strength, YES men's trousers.

Darling:-  Well I’m sure if anyone is an expert on men’s trousers then it would be you. Sort it out Freddy…

Freddy:- Tell me sweet pebble, seeing as the governor thinks you are such an expert. Would it be too much trouble for you to tell us who you might think the trousers belong to.

Mrs Stone :-  Its Mrs Stone to you – Flash Freddy!… I know who the trousers belong to! They obviously belong to a man I had the troopers eject from this place earlier this evening.


(above:- Sgt Pies and Mrs Stone – and this is where Cheryl fluffed her lines and got the giggles)

Freddy:- Pray tell, Why did you have him ejected?

Mrs Stone :-  He turned up and he was unsuited……


Mrs Stone calls out – Don’t blame me I didn’t write it!!!!


Pies calls out:- Sir! , this man here has a question for you!

Darling:-  A question for me – Pies should I let him ask it?


(above:- Sgt Pies and his question asker)

Pies:-  Sir, why don't we let the room decide?

Pies addresses the room --- Ladies and Gentlemen,,, If you want the question to go ahead call out YES now!

YES – YES – Shouts the room!

Pies:-  Sir, They want the question!


Man:-  Darling… Tell me what is the difference between a soldiers charger and a cart horse? 

Darling:-  Pray tell….

Man:-  Well a soldiers charge horse darts into the fray and the cart horse farts into the dray!!!!


Darling:-  Pies charge that man!

Pies:-  What charge Sir?

Darling:-  Making better jokes than us!

Darling:- Convention attendees thank you for your indulgence while we dealt with those breaches of protocol. If you would like your photo added to those of the felons taken tonight then please call the troopers over to your table.


Its over again until tomorrow morning


And Elvis was back for the second part of the evening.


Tomorrow we head for the Uralla Showground to hear the tale of Miss Leniency.

Discover the deprived minds of Pvt Parts and Pvt Lessons,

AND the naked truth is finally revealed.


scan of post it 001

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